Being a mum is hard work. To the people on the outside, there are days where it looks like you have done nothing, maybe you’ve had a fun day ‘snuggling on the sofa’ watching movies, but in reality, you have spent the entire day doing literally everything. From the moment you wake up (usually earlier than you’d like) everything has to be done and there’s no stopping it from coming at you. Washing, Cleaning, Cooking (and at specific times – kids are one a constant loop of “Mummy I’m hungry”) Work … it’s a never ending loop! It’s not an easy job to do, and yet the reality is that us mumma’s are pushed to our limits and that doesn’t always lead to a happy women 24/7. And you know what? If it’s one thing I’ve learnt over the last year it’s that you do not have to be happy all the time and it’s okay to feel low or not up to it somedays. There is SO much pressure on us as mums to be perfect all then time and I think a lot of that does come from social media – Hands up, how many of you feel personally victimised by Instagram? We all share 2seconds of our 24 hour day and it’s easy to portray a happy, perfect picture when the realities are often much much different. I’m guilty of it and I bet most of you are too, however much you may try not to. It’s important to remember the facts though and that is that it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to have days where you’re not full steam ahead. I’ve suffered a lot with anxiety and depression over the past however many years and it’s only since having therapy that I’ve realised it’s nothing to be ashamed of. When you’re feeling low or stressed there are a few things you should remind yourself of…
You Are Doing Great
The first thing that you need to remember is that you are doing great. It’s very difficult to raise a child and try to maintain some kind of normality in your life, and there is nothing wrong with how you are choosing to do it. Sometimes when we feel low, we end up feeling guilty for doing so, and we then come up with a whole list of reasons that we are a terrible mum, but none of them are true. The very fact that this is something that you are concerned about speaks to the fact that you are fantastic. If you weren’t a good parent, you wouldn’t constantly be worried about it, you simply wouldn’t care. I have probably only started realising this in the last few weeks of lockdown 3 and it’s something I’m trying to tell myself more often.
It’s Okay Not To Be Okay
You do not have to be strong all the time. You do not have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone, and on the days that you are, you do not have to be happy about it. Just because you have a child, it doesn’t mean that everything is always going to be perfect. You’re going to have days when you feel down, when you don’t want to get out of bed, and everything just wants to make you cry. It is okay to feel this way, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you need help, make sure you reach out to someone; in my experience, friends and family (or even your GP) are there to listen to you and help you when you need it most.
You Will Always Be A Mum
No matter what, you are always going to be a mum. It doesn’t matter if your kids are a couple of months old or grown up and moved out, you’re always going to be there. It doesn’t matter if you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding, you are doing the best you can. It doesn’t matter if you conceived naturally, went to have ivf abroad, adopted, or used some kind of other method to have your child. There is nothing in the world that can take away the love that you have for your child, and because of that, you are always going to be a mum. It can be hard when you’re having doubts about your parenting ability or they’re being little d*ckheads (because lets be honest, they can be) but no matter what you are always their mum and always there for them. Don’t forget that because sometimes, that’s all that really matters.
Being a mum is hard, and if nobody has told you today, you are important and you matter. How you are feeling right now will pass, but your little one is always going to be there, being your biggest cheerleader. If you need help, please do not hesitate to reach out or chat to me on Instagram. I’m here for you as much as you need.