I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Day 2016 and from that moment to actually giving birth on September 3rd 2017 I thought about nothing but the kind of Mum I wanted to be and the kind of Mum I would be. Having a baby is like stepping into the unknown, you have absolutely no idea what’s about to hit you and there’s only so much preparation you can do. Steve and I did as much as we could to prepare ourselves for Madison’s arrival and even then it all came as a complete shock when she finally did make an appearance.
For the first week I actually don’t think we would’ve coped without living with my Mum and Dad. As much as we wish we could have breezed through on our own and taken parenthood in our stride, having my Mum around was an actual saving grace. Those first few nights of screaming where we didn’t know what was wrong were some of the most horrific and without her I don’t think we would’ve got on well at all; just having a calming voice around when we’d reached the last straw was all the help we needed.
We then went from constant screaming between 11pm-4am to Madison sleeping in a couple of hourly chunks and waking up 3-4 times a night which is more of what we were kind of expecting as new parents. As much as I didn’t want to lose much sleep as I’m really bad when I’m lacking, we knew it was part and parcel of having a baby, but what we weren’t expecting was for Madison to start sleeping through the night (for around 10-11 hours each night) from about 6 weeks. It was incredibly unexpected and although it was what I had wished for since falling pregnant, I never in a million years thought it would happen. Madison is one of the best sleepers I know and has even slept through a bloomin’ fire alarm! Obviously I don’t want to brag (because Lord knows she probably won’t sleep tonight if I do) but we are very grateful that she’s such a good baby!
The last six months Madison has changed so much and although it comes part and parcel with being a baby and growing up, it’s really shocked me just how much she’s changed. She was rolling around before any of us could believe she was even three months old and now it’s as if she’s secretly moving around the place whenever we’re not looking. She’s not quite crawling but she’s getting about somehow!
As far as being a Mum is concerned, I have to admit I’m loving it a hell of a lot more than I ever thought I would. I’ve known for a couple of years now that I’ve wanted a baby but didn’t think I’d be able to cope as a Mum so soon. When I fell pregnant as much as I was incredibly happy I was also extremely anxious that I wouldn’t be good enough. Was I too young to be able to care for her properly? Would I be good enough at knowing what she needed? It all got so much for me and I became incredibly anxious for the majority of my pregnancy… I honestly don’t know how I ended up being as calm as I was during the birth. You can read all about my experience of pre-natal depression in my pregnancy posts; my pregnancy was one of the hardest times of my life (bar losing my best friend a couple of years ago) and throughout I was so scared I’d get post-natal depression too. It turns out I was extremely wrong.
Having Madison has made me so unbelievably happy and although I don’t think I feel an extremely strong bond between us like a lot of mum’s describe, I know I love her more than anything and I would do absolutely anything to protect her. I’ve been nothing but happy and content since giving birth and everyday I spend with Madison is a new favourite. I know this is going to sound crazy considering what I’ve just said about hating my pregnancy and not feeling ‘that’ bond but it honestly feels like I was just meant to be a Mum. I’ve really taken to being Madison’s Mummy and I wouldn’t change anything for the world. I don’t really know how to describe it but there’s just this feeling that this is what I was always meant to do.
Seeing Madison grow is amazing and seeing what a character she’s become has been so rewarding. Now that she’s weaning I’ve been having so much fun cooking her meals and watching her face as she discovers new tastes and it’s just been the best thing ever. So far, this baby eats pretty much anything and we’re already on things like Chicken Tagine, Roast Dinners and My personal favourite, spaghetti bolognese! I’m not even blending that much anymore, just mashing things up with the back of a fork or giving it a quick 10 second whizz in the blender if things like minced meat or veg are just a little too big for her to handle. I’m so so proud of her! You can see all of Maddy’s eating habits over on my Instagram Stories as I share them all the time!
I genuinely can’t wait for the next milestones in Madison’s life and my next milestone’s as her mummy. It’s the most incredible journey I’ll ever be on and the most exciting things are yet to come! How have you found life as a Mum?
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