For a very long time now, us girls, myself included have relied on makeup. We, for whatever reasons, feel the need to hide behind this mask – which have you noticed? Does not come cheap. Now, I know that there are many reasons why some of us hide behind our masks of gorgeously expensive slap, many more reasons than just wanting to ‘feel pretty’, but do we really need it? Hiding scars, boosting your self-esteem, covering blemishes and acne – they’re all reasons that we cover ourselves in everything from MUA to MAC.
My reason for wearing makeup has been that of many others – making myself feel better in myself and up until last summer, it was a reason that I didn’t feel too bad about. I like makeup and I like spending my hard earned money on slightly more expensive brands. So what? Us girls are allowed an indulgence and are allowed to feel pretty… But last summer I went through a really traumatic time – It’s a story for another day, as I have said before, a story for a time when I feel like I can relive the situation without crumbling down into a messy heap on the floor. But that situation and those couple of months scarred me in more ways than one. Makeup and my blog became a new hobby and obsession for me to try and forget everything that had happened. I dove head first into a whole new world of high end and left behind the magazine samples and the Mother’s hand-me-downs. Makeup well and truly became my mask and I found myself applying more and more layers to hide the pain. It was my way of dealing (or what I thought was dealing) with the trauma that I had been through. I felt much like the Phantom of the Opera, in a way – I thought that the guy I had been with had stripped me so emotionally bare that my skin may as well have looked like the Phantom’s. Makeup became my new skin and gave me the ‘confidence’ to try and move past what had happened.
I know for a lot of people out there, Makeup has done the same thing for them. It’s helped them cover up and focus on something else…
A few days ago, a guy told me that he didn’t like too much makeup. It affected me more than I thought it would as that morning I’d worked so hard to try and look ‘perfect’ for him. Having him tell me that he thought I was pretty without all of the cosmetics really made me start thinking. Do I need to be hiding behind it all? If he can see through it and think I’m the same person that I feel I am with it all on, would taking it off really matter? As the months have passed, I have become a little more relaxed with letting certain people see me with my ‘guard down’ as I like to call it, bare faced and being myself. Granted, these people are my family members, but for a while after everything had happened and I’d first turned to makeup properly, it had taken me a long time to even think about leaving my bedroom in the morning without makeup on. So maybe now is the time? It’s been long enough, I feel, and to have somebody tell me that I’m myself no matter what I have covering my face, that really boosts my confidence more than anything.
This month I have decided to strip myself bare – well, almost. I’ve zipped up my makeup bag and popped it on my shelf, taking out only the ‘necessities’ of my MAC Studio Finish Concealer, my New L’Oreal Manga Mascara and of course, my Benefit Browzings palette – A girl’s got to have bold brows! These are the ‘bare’ necessities that I have allowed myself for this month, or at least for however long I manage to go before realising I can live without my 15 ‘daily essential’ makeup items that I currently use. I think it’s a bold step, but one that I need, not only to rejuvenate my skin and get it back to a healthy no-makeup state, but to also show myself that I don’t need the makeup everyday. That I don’t need it to be a confident person or to be myself. I don’t want it to be all that people see, the emotional scars are still there, but I’m not the Phantom, I don’t need the mask on anymore.
Anybody else with me?
I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.